Loved Back To Life

When I heard this part in the show I cried so hard. I died a long time ago, and since then I’ve been lost. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. I say I don’t like the cheesy romantic things but in reality I do. It’s what let’s them know that flame hasn’t burnt out. And I’m hoping one day I can be loved back to life. I need to be. Every day my soul grows darker and my will to live disappears a little more. I know my mind is in its darkest place when I do not fear death anymore. 

Memories

While you’re doing something, do you have a random memory of yourself from your past, a great one full of light and happiness, and realize the person in those memories isn’t here anymore? 

Because that person is me and she died years ago. I just feel like a shell who has to keep going on. Sometimes I think about ending it but the whole fear of death thing and everything disappearing stops me. Plus I don’t have the courage to do it. 

I don’t even think I have a soul, if they’re even real. I just go through the motions in my day to day life and hope that one day I’ll feel something again. 

That I’ll feel whole. 

That I’ll see that bright happy person again. 

Hope is what keeps me going. 

Masked Lover

Do you have that one person you text or want to text when things get bad? 

Maybe they have been part of the bad in life but they’re the only one who understands. 

I do. I swear I’ll never talk to them again and then something will remind me of them and I feel the need to say something. It’s someone I need to cut from my life but they’re apart of the live I used to have… the part of my life where I was carefree and lived each day without anxiety or stress. 

They helped me find a part of me I didn’t know about. They showed me what love is. 

Maybe next time I’ll quit messaging this person, but today I need them. I’m not sure in what way I need them but something inside of me I yelling at me to talk to them. 

Will they message me back or ignore me like I’ve done to them in the past?

Will I feel emotions I haven’t felt in two years?

Will you remember me? Will you remember what we had?

Will it help with healing or will it ruin the progress I’ve made? 

Will you sill be my dark angel? 

My masked lover.

Unsuccessful Therapy

I just finished up talking to my therapist which is something I look forward to because I get to actually talk to someone about my problems and they’re licensed to help me fix them. Unfortunately, today’s session had me more frustrated walking out of it than when I walked in. We didn’t cover much, if anything. It was kind of a check in of what we talked about last week. She did let me know that she was a little off today because she had a rough morning, which I don’t blame her for. She’s human too so it’s natural. I just wanted to get some stuff done. I’ve only recently started seeing her again, so I know that getting into the gist of things will take a while. I’m just bummed that it feels like we didn’t accomplish anything.